I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your cock deserves a montage
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
