girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
