I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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