You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
