Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize