dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
