this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im holly from the hills drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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