ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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