I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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