so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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