just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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