I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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