i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
