She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
