a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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