so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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