so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
