i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
