you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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