I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
