they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
