there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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