I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
