And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
