I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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