I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
