Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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