Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize