would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
