I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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