Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
