Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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