...so i touched it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
