I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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