You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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