That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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