hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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