He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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