yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
