I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Text me some of your sweat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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