my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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