I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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