I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
