Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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