Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
