I love black thongs
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
