I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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