**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
