She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
