marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
