why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
