when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
