If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
