In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
