like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was