I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT