what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
