i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
