Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
