i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
