Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize