She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
