Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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