I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You ruined the universe
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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