What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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