i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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