i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
